


Distract 9

by chronosaurus (kimnamjin)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, Anyways this is so cursed u should read it, Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, Chan is Tiredt, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Finally updating this after Months, Humor, I’m back on my bullshit. The world needs to know, Jeongin is a potty mouth but its ok let him be, Jeongin may or may not have a pocketknife, M/M, Only took me months to add that tag lmao, Slice of Life, Texting, also pls tell me the title pun hasn’t been done...pls let me be original, chronosaurus writes a text fic, gratuitous unironic use of “uwu”, have i mentioned chris is tiredt, it’s just skz being super ultra cursed, jeongin is the epitome of maknae on top in this, lmao how do i even tag this shit, minsung is there...somewhere, skz are chaos demons, skz are legitimately terrified of him, some text fics have plots but um...this Does Not, text fic, they are canon skz in this, this chapt is probs the Most chaotic which is saying smth, this goes out to the users who asked me to write a new skz chat fic, this is the most chaotic ive ever written skz, which is saying smth bc I’m ME
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-02-22 22:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimnamjin/pseuds/chronosaurus
Summary: Hyungenius:do u ever just. think about chan's stage nameHyungenius:bang chan….first u bang...then u chanSeungmints:only in that order. chan bang? not on My christian minecraft serverHannington:first i cheese my cake then i bang your chanChris:um…..it's not even a stage nameChris:that's my name. that's what my Name IsChris:also what@HanningtonMinhoedown:bang chan? i hardly know chan!Hannington:yeah, at least buy him dinner firstChris:WAHT
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Minor/Background minsung, Stray Kids Ensemble/Stray Kids Ensemble
Comments: 140
Kudos: 327





	1. The Babie Paradox

_Binneth_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

  
  


**Binneth:** everyone i have an important announcement to make 

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**Binneth:** im baby 

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**Seungmints:** congratulations 

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**Lixalicious:** tell us something we dont know babie changbin hyung

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**Seungmints:** babie and hyung coexisting in the same sentence…..the duality of man

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_Foxy_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

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**Foxy:** do my eyes deceive me?

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**Foxy:** no, those are really the words i see in real life right now 

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**Foxy:** you're not fucking baby changbin hyung 

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**Foxy:** IM baby. me. i'm the goddamn baby in this hell family 

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**Foxy:** the fans call me the baby. the staff call me the baby. the fans even gave me the nickname BABY bread! BABY BREAD

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**Foxy:** not fully grown adult tax paying bread, so jot that down

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**Binneth:** noted

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**Binneth:** but i'm baby too then

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**Foxy:** I THINK THE FUCK YOURE NOT 

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**Seungmints:** oh my GOD jeongins got a knife RUN CHANGBIN HYUNG 

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**Seungmints:** RUN AS FAST AS THOSE LITTLE LEGS CAN CARRY YOU 

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**Seugmints:** god i hate hanging with jeongin how does he just summon knives at will 

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**Lixalicious:** it should be on his skz profile…..

“main vocal, maknae, knife summoner”

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**Foxy:** what, u guys dont keep a pocketknife on u at all times? Interesting choice 

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**Lixalicious:** i used to in australia but i think that's self explanatory 

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** i kinda blame myself for jeongin and the knife thing

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** i knew he was stealing my people openers and i didnt do anything abt it…..in fact i encouraged him so ill take that one chiefs 

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**Seungmints:** did

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**Seungmints:** did u just refer to a knife as a “people opener”?

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** was that wrong? should i not have done that?

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**Lixalicious:** it just hit me that jeongin do be like that one vine rn tho

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**Lixalicious:** the one where the lady is like “what do u have?” and the lil kid is like “a knife!!” and then she just “NO”

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**Lixalicious:** except the kid is OUR child, jeongin, and hes rapidly approaching changbin’s room, people opener in hand, 

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**Seungmints:** oh not u too lix

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**Foxy:** i wouldn’t say i’m RAPIDLY approaching…..but yeah watch the fuck out changbin hyung how dare u try to come for my Babie Bread Brand™ 

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**Hannington:** his triple b

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**Seungmints:** jeongin: watch the fuck out 

also jeongin: respectfully uses hyung in the same threat

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**Lixalicious:** hes as much a good boy as he is an eldritch horror uwu this is so inspiring 

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**Binneth:** sorry to break it to u but i'm not afraid of jeongin 

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**Binneth:** have you seen him? he looks like a twinkie

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**Binneth:** and no, i don't mean a TWINK, i mean the American Snack of Sponge Cake and Cream Filling™ 

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**Binneth:** jeongin, i can easily beat the proverbial cream from your sponge cake 

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**Hannington:** binnie hyung DOES have big meaty claws………

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**Seungmints:** ah yes my stray kids bias

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**Seungmints:** Yang “Toothpick Arms” Jeongin

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**Lixalicious:** i can attest to the thickness of Binnie hyungs armbs

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**Lixalicious:** i am down with the thickness (of those biceps) 

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**Binneth:** thanks lix ;)

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**Foxy:** stop being icky in front of me please and thanks i am already distressed enough

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_Fever apologist_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

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**Fever apologist:** what in the goddamn hell is happening here? THIS IS WHY I CANT TAKE NAPS

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**FEVER APOLOGIST:** I LEAVE FOR FIVE GODDAMN SECONDS TO GET A FRESH BOX OF PINEAPPLE JUICE, AND JEONGIN IS SUDDENLY MENACING CHANGBIN WITH A KNIFE 

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**Hannington:** what the fuck how did ur username become capitalized too 

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**Hannington:** and not to be controversial but…...bin hyung is babie in his own special way…..

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**Hannington:** i mean,,,we DO call him “baby changbin” on the regular 

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**Foxy:** ur on thin fucking ice jisung 

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**Hannington:** mom im scared pick me up 

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**Hannington:** bring the fruit snacks 

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**Foxy: @Fever apologist** excuse me?!?!? Chan hyung, did you not see what Changbin hyung just said?!!? 

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**Foxy:** he said he's going to beat the cream from my sponge cake!! my poor, innocent sponge cake body! 

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**Fever apologist:** no, he said he COULD 

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**Binneth:** it was hypothetical 

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**Foxy:** you put the pathetic in hypothetical 

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**Binneth:** not spelled the same way but nice try lil guy 

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**Foxy:** nOt SpelLED tHe sAmE wAY 

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**Foxy:** honestly funny that u called ME “lil guy” when u have the proportions of a buff garden gnome, but go off i guess 

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** hello 911? I’d like to report a fucking murder 

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**Lixalicious:** this is so fun where’s my popcorn 

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**Hyungenius:** i ate all of it I’m sowwy i was a hungwy boy after practice uvu

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**Foxy:** the thin ice threat now applies to u too **@Hyungenius**

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**Hyungenius:** u got any of those “i'm unironically terrified of jeongin” fruit snacks left? **@Hannington**

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**Hannington:** nope I’m saving them for changbing hyung

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**Lixalicious:** changbing

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**Hyungenius:** changbing

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**Seungmints:** changbing

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** my favorite search engine, changbing.com

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**Binneth:** F in the chat for jisung 

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**Hannington:** I HATE ALL OF U THIS IS WHY JEONGIN KEEPS A KNIFE ON HIM AT ALL TIMES

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**Fever apologist:** ENOUGH

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**Fever apologist:** can't we come to some sort of compromise here? i'm sure there's SOME way you can both share the baby title **@Foxy @Binneth**

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**Hannington:** oh! i have an idea! 

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**Hannington:** why don't u two be baby during different days of the week! 

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**Fever apologist:** That's not terrible 

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**Foxy:** sorry 

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**Foxy:** i'm babie 24/7, 365

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**Foxy:** and Nothing can change that

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**Hannington:** u can’t see but i am rolling my eyes so hard @ u right now

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**Foxy:** i can't see but i can feel it and it Fuels me 

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**Hannington:** how….can someone so cute like u be so….evil at the same time 

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**Hannington:** it just doesnt make sense...ur existence confuses me **@Foxy**

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**Hyungenius:** ive been reading this idiocy in relative silence but i cant just sit back and let my brain cells be destroyed anymore 

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**Hyungenius:** why doesn't jeongin be baby during the day, and changbin hyung be baby at night? 

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**Binneth:** what, like a fucking babie werewolf?

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**Seungmints:** oh my godo

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**Lixalicious:** u know….awwooOOOÒWÓ 

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**Hannington:** grrr law of total uwu

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**Lixalicious:** my favorite stripped kids song 

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**Hyungenius:** i never said during a full moon…….just at night? jeongin goes to sleep at 10 pm like a grandpa anyways 

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**Hyungenius:** what he doesn't know won't hurt him

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**Foxy:** even though I’m literally reading these texts rn 

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**Seungmints:** seo changbin: scary rapper by day…...Baby by night 

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**Hannington:** Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Babie 

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**Foxy:** thats not even how that works but ok 

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**Fever apologist:** have i mentioned yet that being leader of stray kids is a cursed position? no? well it's a cursed position 

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**Hannington:** HAHAH POSITION HAHAHAHA 

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**Fever apologist:** my case and point 

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**Seungmints:** chan hyung i humbly ask u to use ur Large and Powerful form to snap Jisung’s neck

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**Hannington:** rude

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** i second 

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**Hannington:** WTF WE’RE LITERALLY DATING 

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** and? Whats a relationship without a sexy little maneuver i like to call….threats of bodily harm 

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**Hannington:** i guess u have a point 

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**Fever apologist:** five minutes without a threat of bodily harm…..thats All i ask for 

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**Lixalicious:** not gonna happen my dude **@Fever apologist**

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**Foxy:** u know what? i'm feeling generous today **@Binneth**

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**Foxy:** you can call urself babie…..but just know you'll NEVER be as peak babie as me, and that's just something you'll have to deal with 

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**Binneth:** wow thanks what a good dongsaeng 

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**Binneth:** so kind to his loving, lamb-skewer buying hyung seo changbin 

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**Foxy:** i'm glad u think so too uwu 

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**Foxy:** but just for good measure 

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_Foxy_ has changed their display name to _King of the Babies_

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**King of the Babies:** in case anyone gets confused 

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**Hyungenius:** i love how that implies there's a babie hierarchy 

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**Hannington:** a babie society 

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**King of the Babies:** that's right 

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**King of the Babies:** and they're a monarchy binch!!!!!!!! 

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**Hannington:** long live the king!

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**Binneth:** whatever….just know ill be waiting in the wings to usurp the Babie Throne…..

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**King of thee Babies:** I’d like to see u try :)

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**Fever apologist:** sigh 

****

**Fever apologist:** i need another pineapple juice 


	2. Bro we are strays.....Problem?

_Lixalicious_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

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**Lixalicious:** MILLENIUM LINE 

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**Lixalicious:** ASSEMBLE 

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_Seungmints_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

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_Hannington_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

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_Hyungenius_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

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**Hannington:** wassup bro 

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**Seungmints:** we’re here! 

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**Hyungenius:** it me!!!! 

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**Hyungenius:** whats happenin lix?

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**Lixalicious:** nothing! just wanna talk to y'all uwu 

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**Lixalicious:** whats everyone up to ?

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**Seungmints:** chillin at the company building! not rlly doing anything in particular yet lol 

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**Hyungenius:** im also @ the company, but i'm taking a break from learning a new jazz routine hehe

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**Hannington:** im at a cafe having some 

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**Hannington:** ★·.·´¯`·.·★ 🎀 𝒸𝒽𝑒𝑒𝓈𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓀𝑒 🎀 ★·.·`¯´·.·★

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**Lixalicious:** very cool uwu love the font very imaginative 

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**Seungmints:** what are u up to lix? 

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**Lixalicious:** oh! 

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**Lixalicious:** tryna convince chan hyung to watch a horror movie with me

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**Lixalicious:** it's not going very well lads 

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**Hyungenius:** be careful with him felix 

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**Hyungenius:** he's old….his bones are made of glass 

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**Lixalicious:** point taken thank u jinius 

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**Hannington:** jinsus christ 

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**Lixalicious:** oh also i was listening to levanter english ver before, and may i just say…..we rlly went off with that one chiefs 

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**Seungmints:** ooooo yess!!!!! 

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**Hannington:** what if i told you…..the key was inside of me all along? 

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**Hannington:** would u believe me? 

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**Lixalicious:** ofc jisung i always beliebe u when u say the key was inside of u all along 

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**Lixalicious:** but...would you trust ME if i said…..i wanna be myself? and….i don't care? 

**Seungmints:** felix,,,u absolute madman 

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**Hannington:** how could u say smth so controversial yet so brave 

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**Lixalicious:** it wasn't easy but i said what needed to be said 

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**Hyungenius:** i can't believe albert einstein listened to levanter eng ver while writing the bible 

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**Seungmints:** well i sure can ! man has Taste™ 

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**Hannington:** i like to call it the biblé **@Hyungenius**

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**Hyungenius:** excuse me 

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**Hyungenius:** should i bother asking u why? 

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**Hannington:** well when u put the accent over the e it's pronounced “bibLAY” 

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**Hannington:** and i think that's pretty swell 

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**Hannington:** i love putting random accents on things uwu it's fun u should try it 

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**Hannington:** lōl

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**Lixalicious:** ah yes, my fave crooner michael biblé

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**Seungmints:** whatever u say, jisüng 

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**Hannington:** jokes on u!!!! i don't know what those lil dots mean in context!! i cant read!!! 

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**Hyungenius:** “lil dots”

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**Hyungenius:** i just hope a linguist never reads these texts lmao 

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**Hannington:**??? bro how would a linguist ever read this shit

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**Lixalicious:** yuh hyunjin these are our private texts in our private group chat that no one will ever see besides us 

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**Hyungenius:** oh right! 

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**Hyungenius:** i almost forgot 

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**Hyungenius:** :) 

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**Hannington:** i see ur :) and i raise u a ( ఠൠఠ )1

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**Seungmints:** what even is that 

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**Hyungenius:**??? a bear?

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**Hannington:** u fools...it's a pig giving the middle finger 

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**Hyungenius:** damn u right how could i have been so naive 

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**Lixalicious:** what a cruel world we live in 

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**Lixalicious:** where emoticon pigs give innocent idol boys the middle finger 

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**Seungmints:** this is so sad alexa play levanter eng ver 

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**Lixalicious:** what a world what a world

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**Hyungenius:** you could even say….we live in a society 

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**Hannington:** YOU could say that 

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**Hannington:** i would never say such a thing

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**Hyungenius:** ok jisung 

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**Hannington:** ༼ つ◕(oo)◕༽つ

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**Hannington:** he wants to be your friend now….will u let him ? he feels bad 

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**Seungmints:** omg 😢 this is so emotional where are my tissues 

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**Lixalicious:** character development!! 

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**Hyungenius:**!!!!!! yes i accept uwu 

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**Hyungenius:** (っ*´∀｀* )っ

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**Lixalicious:** this is so pure 

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**Lixalicious:** i love us 

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**Hannington:** agree

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**Hyungenius:** agree 

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**Seungmints:** ᕦ(ò_ó)ᕤ

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**Seungmints:** sorry i just wanted to send that bc it reminded me of changbin hyung 

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**Seungmints:** (agree) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this early this morning bc i couldn't schleep uwu


	3. Kids of a Lesser Stray

_ Lixalicious  _ has come  _ online  _ to  _ Distract 9 _

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**Lixalicious:** good morning !!! 

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**Hyungenius:** G’day****

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** i suppose this dawn could be considered benevolent 

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**Hannington:** good morn bröther

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**Seungmints:** is it a good morning? Is it Really? 

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**King of the Babies:** are any of us really good? That’s the real question 

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**Lixalicious:** lmao yall wildin first thing in the morning 

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**Lixalicious:** i'm gonna go in the shower now love u guys 

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_ Lixalicious  _ has gone  _ offline  _

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**Fever apologist:** ok love you be safe…………...Chan Man

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**Hannington:** ??? Chan hyung did you set up a signature on ur texts? 

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**Fever apologist:** no…………….Chan Man 

**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** oh wow i do Not like that at all

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**Seungmints:** more importantly, is no one gonna mention that chan hyung told felix to be safe in the shower? 

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**Hyungenius:** it must be an australian thing

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**Hyungenius:** even showers there are dangerous

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**Hyungenius:** when u turn the hot water on brown recluse spiders pour out, when u use the cold out comes black mambas 

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**Hannington:** haha 

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**Hannington:** recluse 

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**Hannington:** i know I shouldn’t trust u hyunjin

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**Hannington:** but u ARE our resident aussieboo so i guess u would know

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**Fever apologist:** ???? Bro im a literal Australian. From Australia. And i can tell u wholeheartedly that’s not true! I just want u guys to be safe in everything u do bc I love u…………...Chan Man

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**Hannington:** uwu real loving Chan hours: activated

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**Hyungenius:** coward real loving chan hours are all day everyday 

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**Fever apologist:** !!!!!!!!!..................Chan Man 

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**Fever apologist:** stop before i start blushing,,,,what were we talking abt before this?.......................Chan Man 

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**Seungmints:** oooo ooo i know!

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**Seungmints:** have i mentioned that i hate you all yet today?

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**Hyungenius:** AND there’s our seungmin 

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**Hannington:** only once to me at like 9 am 

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**Hannington:** ur behind schedule minnie 

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**Seungmints:** u know what? ur right i better kick it up a notch 

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**Seungmints:** i hate all of u 

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**Hyungenius:** dont worry guys that’s just his way of saying he loves us 

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**Hannington:** oh i know, this isnt our first seungmin rodeo

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**Seungmints:** damnit….they can see through my Ruse of apathy >:(

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**Seungmints:** fine i admit it i love u guys but i’m not happy about it

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**Seungmints:** i’m Ecstatic about it

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**Hyungenius:** character development 

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**Hannington:** i’m crying this is so beautiful 

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**King of the Babies:** this chat has single handedly destroyed my brain cells. How does that make u feel?

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**Hannignton:** fantastique

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**King of the Babies:** Do you people ever read what u write or do u just press send with 0 discretion 

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**Hyungenius:** idk how to read

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**Hannington:** hi I’m hyunjin, I’m 19, and i never fucking learned how to read

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**Hyungenius:** i thought i was hyunjin? 

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**Seungmints:** I’m personally having a great time right now. Just felt like sharing. 

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**King of the Babies:** oh my ogod

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**King of the Babies:** can u PLEASE act with a single ounce of maturity for once in ur lives!!!!!!!!!! 

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**King of the Babies:** I’m literally the youngest and Yet……..

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**Hyungenius:** y’all hear summin?

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**Hannington:** lmao jeongin thinks we can act our age…..this is so sad

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**Hannington:** i almost feel bad for him 

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**Hyungenius:** yeah jeongin there's a better chance of the sky turning GREEN than us being mator lol

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**King of the Babies:** ??? What

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**Fever apologist:** mator??? like from the cars movie???..................Chan Man

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**Hyungenius:** oh oops i meant that other word 

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**Seungmints:** ......mature? 

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**Hyungenius:** oh yeah that one thank u seungmin 

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**King of the Babies:** that rlly just about says it all 

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**King of the Babies:** I’m going back to sleep

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**King of the Babies:** it's not a good morning anymore >:(

**_  
  
  
  
  
_ **

📱

**_  
  
_ **

****__  
  


_ Fever apologist  _ has come  _ online  _ to  _ Distract 9  _

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_ Fever apologist _ is  _ typing _

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**Hannington:** chan hyung whatever ur abt to ask the answer is a hard no 

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**Fever apologist:** :(………...…..Chan Man

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**Fever apologist:** i was gonna ask if anyone wants to cuddle rn…………....Chan Man

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**Hannington:** fuckqq i made a huge miss-stake pls let me cuddle u chan hyung 

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**Fever apologist:** sorry jisung you've been blacklisted from chan cuddles forever……..……...Chan Man

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**Hannington:** NOOOOO PLS i wanna lay on ur tummy so bad ur like totoro but buff and hot 

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**Fever apologist:** well, when u put it like THAT…………....Chan Man 

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**Fever apologist:** I guess I can forgive u this time…………....Chan Man

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**Hannington:** HELL YEAH CUDDLE TIME BABEY 

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_ Hannington  _ has gone  _ offline  _

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_ Fever Apologist  _ has gone  _ offline _

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** god i cant take that text signature 

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** i need to do smth about that………

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**Binneth:** 👀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was bad and made no sense, but allow me to raise a counterpoint, if you will: when has Anything ive written ever made sense? beats me!!!! 
> 
> Pls tell me some of u know the “............Slime Man” posts from like,,,2014 tumblr ajsklsk if u dont pls google “slime man meme” uwu you’ll thank me later (also this will make A Lot more sense...barely) 
> 
> The ………….chan man chronicles will conclude in the next installment !


	4. tfw ur a kid who strayed

_ Fever apologist  _ has come  _ online  _ to  _ Distract 9 _

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**Fever apologist:** guess who found a fried chicken coupon in their spam folder!!!!! 

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**Fever apologist:** wait WAIT WHAT

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**Fever apologist:** WHO

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**Fever apologist:** WHO REMOVED MY TEXT SIGNATURE……..CHAN MAN

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**Fever apologist:** WHO DID THIS TO ME NOW I HAVE TO WRITE IT OUT MANUALLY………...CHAN MAN

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**Fever apologist:** HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE AMOUNT OF ELLIPSES UNIFORM NOW…………..CHAN MAN 

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**Hyungenius:** minho hyung did it 

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**Fever apologist:** MINHO……..CHAN MAN 

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**Hannington:** yeah but at least u can put it in all caps for Emphasis™ now, so who’s the real winner here 

****

_ Minho’s cats in a trench coat  _ has come  _ online  _ to  _ Distract 9 _

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** u rang?

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**Fever apologist:** why would u do this to me? Your dear leader whom you love? 

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**Fever apologist:** fuck I forgot it that time………..Chan Man

****

**Fever apologist:** see??? See the hell youve thrust me into ??

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** ur text signature annoyed me

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** so i went to the chat settings and removed it 

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** simple as that 

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**Fever apologist:** I’m grounding u for a month……...Chan Man

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** i can deal with that………..Minho Man 

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**Fever apologist:** oh 

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**Fever apologist:** did it really look like that?

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**Minho’s cats in a trench coat:** uh…..yeah? 

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**Fever apologist:** I understand everything now 

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**Fever apologist:** that is kinda….much 

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**Fever apologist:** ur still grounded but now ur punishment is This 

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_ Fever apologist  _ has changed  _ Minho’s cats in a trench coat’s  _ display name to  _ Minhoedown  _

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**Minhoedown:** ??? What does this even mean??

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**Fever apologist:** it's a pun! Like a hoedown??? With ur name?? YEEHAW BITCH

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**Fever apologist:** also it’s the first minho-pun i could think of on the spot

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**Hannington:** I, for one, love that 

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**Hannington:** I’m always here for a good old fashioned yee haw 

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**Hannington:** it’s…..MINHIGH noon 

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**Minhoedown:** i guess I can deal w that……..ive always wanted to borrow Hyunjin’s cowboy hat 

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_ Lixalicious  _ has come  _ online  _ to  _ Distract 9 _

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**Lixalicious:** YEET haw**  **@Hannington**

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_ Lixalicious  _ has gone  _ offline  _

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**Hannington:** see u space cowboy 

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**King of the Babies:** everyone alway says yee haw…...but no one asks…..haw yee?

****

**Hannington:** damn...that’s beautiful 

****

**Hannington:** rlly makes u think 

****

**Minhoedown:** how long have u even been here, jeongin? 

****

**King of the Babies:** the whole time 

****

**King of the Babies:** i enjoy reading ur cursed convos from the comfort of the shadows 

****

**Minhoedown:** valid 

****

**Minhoedown:** BUT! While we're on the topic of changing display names

****

_ Minhoedown  _ has changed  _ Fever apologist’s  _ display name to  _ Chris  _

****

**Minhoedown:** fever is in the past, my man

****

**Minhoedown:** get w the times 

****

**Hannington:** nice and simple! I approve 

****

**King of the Babies:** just admit u hate jyp oppar minho hyung

****

**Minhoedown:** admit it??? Was it ever a secret?? 

****

**King of the Babies:** u know what that is true have a nice day 

****

**Chris:** …..very well……...Chris Man

****

**Minhoedown:** N O 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters are going to get better after this I promise i jsut needed to put the ...........chan man chronicles out into the universe and now that i have unspeakable evils will surely come my way...but it was worth it
> 
> As i post this I’m abt to go island hopping in animal crossing to try and find my Good and Tiny Son marshal, aka Han Jisung of Stray Kids, so pls wish me luck uwu (also Kyle bc he is my fave villager and IS changbin u cannot convince me otherwise)


	5. The S in stray kids stands for Simp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The i in stray kids stands for..... [I’m sorry](https://youtu.be/15nNY7uofNw)
> 
> (also can we talk about hwang hyunjin's skz player? i think we should talk about hwang hyunjin's skz player)

_Hannington_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

****

**Hannington:** guys this is important 

****

**Hannington:** can you burn a Luigi board?

****

**Seungmints:** a what?

****

**Lixalicious:** yes 

****

**Hannington:** ok thanks lix 

****

**Seungmints:** no wait what’s a Luigi board??? Is that a new thing from Nintendo? 

****

**Hyungenius:** i…..i think he means a OUIJA board

****

**Hannington:** yeah a weegee bored or whatever 

****

**Seungmints:** oh my god 

****

**Seungmints:** ignoring that for my own sanity, but

****

**Seungmints:** jisung WHY do u have a ouija board to begin with ???

****

**Hyungenius:** yeah, and why do u want to burn it???

****

**Hannington: @Seungmints** i was trying to contact a hot ghost to make minho hyung jealous

****

**Hannington: @Hyungenius** it didnt work hence I’m destroying the damn thing 

****

_Minhoedown_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

****

**Minhoedown:** is this some kind of sick joke

****

**Minhoedown:** u literally live in a dorm of hot guys and u just…..ur brilliant plan was to summon a GHOST to make me….jealous? Of a GHOST? Is that what ur telling me rn?

****

**Hannington:** that is exactly what I’m telling u 

****

**Hannington:** did it work?

****

**Minhoedown:** honestly…..

****

**Minhoedown:** kinda 

****

**Hannington:** YES!!!!! AND U ALL CALLED ME CRAZY

****

**Seungmints:** we didnt call u crazy

****

**Seungmints:** we just thought it

****

**Seungmints:** multiple times

****

**Seungmints:** and with enough force that u heard us 

****

**Lixalicious:** never change jisung

****

**Lixalicious:** never change 

****

**Minhoedown:** i love u jisung pls dont summon a hot ghost 

****

**Hannington:** awww i love u too hyung!! the real ghost was us all along!

****

**Hyungenius:** thats so inspirational

****

**Seungmints:** WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING MEAN 

****

**Hannington:** now if you’ll excuse me i have a stupid wedgie board to fire up

****

_Hannington_ has gone _offline_

****

**Lixalicious:** god speed u beautiful bastard 

****

**Seungmints:** remember when i had functioning brain cells? Yeah me neither 

****

_Chris_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

****

**Chris:** hey boys! Whats everyone doing? 

****

**Chris:** I just got back from the company 

****

**Hyungenius:** well for one jisung is on the balcony burning his ouija board

****

**Hyungenius:** so u picked a stellar time to come home hyung

****

**Chris:** HES DOING HWAT

****

_Chris_ has gone _offline_

****

**Seungmints:** welp 

****

**Minhoedown:** y’all are gonna make chan hyung a ghost at this rate

****

**Minhoedown:** from all the stress u put him through 

****

**Seungmints:** hey! Don’t lump us all with jisung!

****

**Hyungenius:** yeah! Don’t be a lumper! 

****

**Lixaclious:** hes right tho dont lie

****

**Seungmints:** …….

****

**Hyungenius:** yeah hes right lol

**_  
  
  
_ **

📱

**  
  
  
**

**Hannington: @Minhoedown** can we cuddle? i miss u babe hyung :( 

****

**Lixalicious:** AHDJDJNFNFNCN WHAT THCJCK

****

**Lixalicious:** IDID U JUST SAY BABE HYUNG

****

**Hyungenius:** I'M LOSING MY GODDAMNV MIND 

****

_Hyungenius_ has changed _Minhoedown’s_ display name to _babe hyung_

****

**Hannington:** GUYS STOP 

****

**Lixalicious:** HELL NO JISUNG 

****

**Lixalicious:** u came in our GROUP CHAT to @ ur boyf and call him “babe hyung”

****

**Lixalicious:** are u ASKING to be memed on????

****

**Binneth:** jisung is a minho simp 

****

**Binneth:** he's a mimp 

****

**Hyungenius:** F in the chat

****

**Binneth:** F

****

**Lixalicious:** F

****

**Hannington:** IM NOT A MIMP IM JUST IN LOVE W HIM AND WANT TO STILL BE RESPECTFUL JSKDKDK SHUT UP 

****

**Binneth:** minho: exists

Jisung: my liege my king would you do me the immense kindness of breathing in my general direction? It would simply make me the happiest little sack of meat on the earth your excellency 

****

_Lixalicious_ has taken a _screenshot_ of the chat

****

**Lixalicious:** I’m sorry this is too fucking good i need to save this 

****

**babe hyung:** awww Jisung ur so cute 

****

**babe hyung:** i love u too….even if u are a mimp™

****

**Hannington:** we ALL idolize you minho hyung….we’re a group of mimps if anything

****

**Hannington:** I’m just the leader of the mimps bc we’re dating uwu get on my mimp level 

****

**Hyungenius:** Stray kids? Sorry I only know stray mimps 

****

**Hannington:** and in my defense, felix is a changbin simp 

****

**Hannington:** hes a chimp 

****

**Lixalicious:** I sure am babeyyyyy uwu 

****

**Binneth:** then I’m a hyunjin simp 

****

**Binneth:** I’m a proud hyimp

****

**Hyungenius:** I’m a lix simp in our chaotic love octagon…...does that make me a flimp? 

****

**Lixalicious:** i wuv u hyunnie <333 I’m ignoring what u said binnie uwu

****

**Hyungenius:** we're just a group full of simps!!!! 

****

**Hyungenius:** and i think that's beautiful 

****

**babe hyung:** what am i reading

****

**babe hyung:** i see these words and I understand them but at the same time i cant even begin to comprehend thsi

****

**Hannington:** simp kids

****

**babe hyung:** thank you

****

**babe hyung:** this is so cursed 

****

**babe hyung:** just come cuddle me Jisung I’m too tired to get up 

****

**babe hyung:** also i dont want to read these messages anymore k bye

****

_babe hyung_ has gone _offline_

****

**Hannington:** IM ON THE WAY YOUR GRACE

****

**Hannington:** BE THERE IN A SEC YOUR MINHONESS 

****

_Hannington_ has gone _offline_

****

**Hyungenius:** god he is SO whipped

****

**Binneth:** such a mimp

****

**Lixalicious:** the mimpiest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Am God’s Mistake


	6. A wise man once said: “I Can’t Sleep.....So Tell Me”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a chapter that Actually has a plot?? i refuse to believe it

_ Hannington  _ has come  _ online _ to  _ Distract 9 _

__

**Hannington:** do u ever think about how jackets are just blankets for ur arms?

__

**Hannington:** cuz I’m thinking about that right now

__

**Chris:** jisung, it’s after 3 in the morning? Why aren’t u asleep????

__

**Hannington:** 1) i was thorsty so I’m scuttling to the kitchen to get a glass of woter before going back to sleep 

__

**Hannington:** 2) i had that revelation while in the midst of scuttling and i thought it was too important to go unsaid 

__

**Chris:** ……..pls go to sleep jisung it’s so late

__

**Hannington:** i am! The woter has been Secured 

__

**Hannington:** but wait a diddly darn second! Why are YOU awake rn chan hyung?? Hmm???

__

**Hannington:** what is that i smell?? A subtle bouquet of HYPOCRITE

__

**Chris:** jisungggg you know i dont sleep well! I’m just finishing up a track now

__

**Chris:** ill be done in ten minutes 

__

**Chris:** fifteen tops 

__

**Hannington:** woah fifteen is a top?? I had no idea 

__

**Hannington:** it always struck me as a switch 

__

**Chris:** JISUNG GO TO SLEEP 

__

**Hannington:** fine fine dont get ur Versace undies in a bunch 

__

**Hannington:** when this woter goes thru me and i go to the bathroom later i better find u snug asleep in ur bed and ur computer turned off >:( 

__

**Chris:** u will, i promise! Good night jisung <3 love u

__

**Hannington:** night hyung! Pls sleep soon? For me?

__

**Hannington:** i love you too

__

_ Hannington  _ has gone  _ offline _

__

**Chris:** i promise i will

__

**Chris:** for you 

_**  
  
  
** _

📱

_****  
  
  
_

_ Hannington  _ has come  _ online _ to  _ Distract 9 _

__

**Hannington:** omg i just had THE weirdest dream y'all listen to this 

__

**Hannington:** so i was just walking down the street—as u do—and then who do i see? sasuke from naruto appears and PUNCHES ME IN THE STOMACH 

__

**Hannington:** just fucking curb stomps me for no goddamn reason other than the fact he’s sasuke from naruto

__

**Lixalicious:** wow that is wack ngl

__

**Lixalicious:** why were u walking past sasuke anyways? 

__

**Hannington:** bro…...it was a DREAM 

__

**Hannington:** i can't control which anime characters randomly show up and beat my ass

__

**Seungmints:** i think we can psychoanalyze this 

__

**Seungmints:** sasuke represents jisung's deep seated fear of commitment 

__

**Lixalicious:** no no he represents jisung's tragic anime past 

__

**Hannington:** ??? i have nothing of the sort!!! or a fear of commitment, for that matter, but nice try seungmin 

__

**Lixalicious:** no tragic anime past u say? 

__

**Lixalicious:** …...did u forget about hip fuck sin? 

__

**Seungmints:** damn that's a deep cut

__

**Hannington:** ….touché 

__

_ babe hyung  _ has come  _ online  _ to  _ Distract 9  _

__

**babe hyung: @Hannington** u didn't dream about me? 

__

**Hannington:** im sorry i'll try harder next time 

__

**Lixalicious:** god i can tell thru text that jisung is being absolutely serious when he says that 

__

**Seungmints:** once i had a weird dream that minho hyung and jisung weren’t being the absolute wackiest couple ever 

__

**Seungmints:** thats how i knew it was a dream 

__

**babe hyung:** being the wackiest couple is our prerogative 

__

**babe hyung:** i take that as a compliment  **@Seungmints**

__

**Lixalicious:** i had a dream once that chan hyung was elected president 

__

**Chris** : aww thats so sweet lix!! <3

__

**Lixalicious:** nothing but respect for MY president chanathan bang

__

**babe hyung:** he never said u did a good job as pres don’t get ahead of urself  **@Chris**

__

**Seungmints:** speaking of which 

__

**Seungmints:** what about u chan hyung?  **@Chris**

__

**Chris:** what about me what?

__

**Hannington:** have you had any strange dreams recently? 

__

**Chris:** pfffft

__

**Chris:** dreams? Haven’t heard that name in Years 

__

**Hannington:** i dont get it :( wdym?

__

**Lixalicious:** oh lawd here it comes 

__

**Chris:** i barely sleep! I haven’t had a dream in like….4 or 5 months? I’m lucky if i can rest 6 hours on a good night, let alone long enough to dream

__

**babe hyung:** christian mingle bang! ive been telling u for YEARS to stop working on your tracks all hours into the night! all that blue light from ur computer is mucking up ur circadian rhythm! 

__

**Chris:** ok mom 

__

**Seungmints:** his what now

__

**Seungmints:** yo 3rachas is circadian rhythm a new music production term i’m not familiar with?

__

**Hannington:** lmao no….u absolute buffoon 

__

**babe hyung:** ok ignoring That 

__

**babe hyung:** boys, i told you to keep ur eyes on him while i’m late night practicing dance at the company! 

__

**Lixalicious:** we’ve been trying! You know how stubborn chan hyung is when it comes to working on songs at night 

__

**Chris:** it’s not about the songs! I just…..dont sleep well 

__

**Chris:** if anything, working late on songs helps tire me out 

__

**Chris:** it's not my fault that i dont sleep!

__

**Seungmints:** chan hyung, u use the “i don't sleep” excuse as such a crutch! instead of constantly saying how u don't sleep, u could use that time to….i don't know….try to sleep?

__

**babe hyung:** it's true and he should say it 

__

**babe hyung:** chan hyung, u do know not sleeping isn't a personality trait, right? 

__

**Hannington:** oooOOOO MINHO HYUNG GOT U SO GOOD CHAN HYUNG

__

**Seungmints:** yikes 

__

**Chris:** STOP COMING FOR ME IM JUST A LITTLE SLEEPY BOI 

__

**Chris:** JUST A FATIGUED LITTLE GREMLIN 

__

**Chris:** AN EXHAUSTED LITTLE FUCKER 

__

_ babe hyung  _ has  _ reported _ 3 messages

__

**Chris:** minho why did u report my texts 

__

**babe hyung:** um 

__

**babe hyung:** because of what my poor eyes were just forced to read? 

__

**Chris:** honestly that's fair 

__

**Chris:** idek what i’m saying anymore because 

__

**Lixalicious:** chan hyung if u say ur exhausted i swEAR TO GOD 

__

**Chris:** im exhausted 

__

**Lixalicious:** oh lord 

__

**Seungmints:** can u please just take a nap already??? we have no schedule! u can sleep for a good few hours before dinner! 

__

**Hannington:** Nap! Nap! Nap! Nap! Nap!

__

**Chris:** i would….but i Can't 

__

**Chris:** every time i try to nap during the day, i can't go more than an hour or two before a jolt of parental adrenaline wakes me up in a cold sweat because MAYBE jeongin is too close to a curb somewhere, and MAYBE jisung isn't looking both ways before crossing the street or something 

__

**Seungmints:** oh chan hyung :( 

__

**babe hyung:** Chan hyung…..you’ll never change 

__

**Hannington:** to be fair im probably not looking both ways before crossing the street 

__

**Seungmints:** JISUNG UR NOT HELPING HERE 

__

**Hannington:** fuqq

__

**Hannington:** I DIDNT MEAN THAT!!!! LOOKING BOTH WAYS IS MY FAVORITE HOBBY I CANT STOP LOOKING BOTH WAYS

__

**babe hyung:** channie hyung we’ll all be good today!! i'll keep Jisung safe and away from sidewalks uwu 

__

**Hannington:** oh? Sounds like a plan pls keep me safe minho hyung 

__

**Hannington:** chan hyung, we should have had this convo a LONG time ago ;))

__

**babe hyung:** jisung…...time and place…...

__

**Seungmints:** real talk tho, we're all in the dorm today, so there's nothing to worry abt channie hyung! ur the best leader, so best leaders need their sleep sorry i dont make the rules 

__

**babe hyung:** that's true ive heard that before 

__

**Chris:** aw guys,,,,i love you 

__

**Chris:** ok, i'll try to take a nap then! 

__

**Hannington:** proud of u channie hyung! rest well ❤️

__

**babe hyung:** i'll hold down the fort

__

**Seungmin:** um…..no offense but i think hyung would rather have ME hold down the fort while he naps 

__

**Chris:** I’m not getting involved pls ignore me 

__

**babe hyung:** and why is that? i'm older and more mature!

__

**Seungmints:** more mature?? older, sure, but u have the maturity of a six year old demon from the depths of hell 

__

**babe hyung:** u know what? rude, but i'll accept that 

__

**babe hyung:** i'll allow u to do the designated fort holding today Seungmin……..but don't take my kindness as weakness 

__

**Seungmints:** whatever weirdo 

__

**Seungmints:** sleep well channie hyung! 

__

**Chris:** thanks again boys!

__

**Chris:** i love u guys 

__

**Hannington:** we love u too hyungie 

__

**babe hyung:** ditto x1000

__

**Seungmints:** my biggest agree ever 

__

**Chris:** :’) i'll schleep well 

__

_ Chris  _ has gone  _ offline  _

__

**Seungmints:** omg guys!! i just saw chan hyung go into his bedroom and shut the light!!! we ACTUALLY got him to nap!!! 

__

**babe hyung:** mission accomplished lads! we're the best members uwu 

__

**Hannington:** hell yeah! but……...now what? 

__

_ Hyungenius  _ has come  _ online _ to  _ Distract 9  _

__

**Hyungenius:** first one to start a fire in the kitchen wins? 

__

**Hannington:** oh so are SO on 

__

**Hannington: @Lixalicious** WHERES MY STASH OF POPCORN KERNELS IT’S AN EMERGENCY

__

**babe hyung:** OH HELL NO IT ISNT 

__

**babe hyung:** CHAN HYUNG IS GOING TO NAP AND THATS FINAL 

__

**Hannington:** ok ok sorry :( 

__

**Hyungenius:** sir yes sir 

__

_ Hannington  _ and  _ Hyungenius  _ have gone  _ offline _

__

**Seungmints:** wow minho hyung, u actually put a stop to their nonsense before it even started 

__

**Seungmints:** i'm impressed

__

**babe hyung:** that's quite a compliment from u seungminnie 

__

**Seungmints:** maybe….we can do some joint fort holding? while chan hyung naps…..

__

**babe hyung:** hmmm 

__

**babe hyung:** i think i can agree to those terms

__

**babe hyung:** you got yourself a deal 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chan on Chan’s room: i love dreaming uwu i always have rlly vivid lucid dreams :)  
> Me, already wrote this chapter: I Pretend I Do Not See It


	7. Look up in the sky; It’s a stray, it’s a kid!

_Hyungenius_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

****

**Hyungenius:** do u ever just. think about chan's stage name 

****

**Hyungenius:** bang chan….first u bang...then u chan 

****

**Seungmints:** only in that order

****

**Seungmints:** chan bang? not on My christian minecraft server 

****

**Hyungenius:** i stan christopher, the bangiest chan

****

**Hannington:** first i cheese my cake then i bang your chan 

****

**Chris:** um 

****

**Chris:** it's not even a stage name 

****

**Chris:** that's my name. that's what my Name Is 

****

**Chris:** also what **@Hannington**

****

**babe hyung:** bang chan? i hardly know chan!

****

**Hannington:** yeah, at least buy him dinner first

****

**Chris:** WAHT 

****

**Hyungenius:** ya know, this convo made me think of somethin 

****

**Hyungenius:** if the non stage name members had stage names…..i wonder what they would be 

****

**Seungmints:** jyp would probs give me some cursed af name…..like “mc puppy boy” or “dandy-S” or smth 

****

**Hyungenius:** DANDY S AJDJDJDJ IM DYING PLS JYP OPPAR

****

_Binneth_ has come _online_ to _Distract 9_

****

**Binneth:** bro 

****

**Binneth:** don't come for my mc haribo brand 

****

**Seungmints:** i'm literally not doing that at all, so don't worry my dude 

****

**Binneth:** that's “my dude hyung” to you 

****

**Seungmints:** im going to make the conscious decision to ignore that 

****

**Lixalicious:** binnie hyungs stage name should be “beef boy”

****

**Lixalicious:** or “meat man”

****

**Lixalicious:** bc he’s so muscular uwu 

****

**Binneth:** I appreciate the sentiment lix, but those both make me sound like some kind of horrible superhero whose power is to control meat

****

**Lixalicious:** valid, have a nice day 

****

**Hyungenius:** ANYWAYS

****

**Hyungenius:** I’d like something nice and simple for a stage name…..like…….Jeffery 

****

**Chris:** Jeffery? 

****

**Chris:** THATS what u want ur stage name to be? 

****

**Seungmints:** Ur english name is literally Sam and u pick JEFFERY??? 

****

**Hyungenius:** I said what i said 

****

**Hannington: @King of the Babies** imagine having to call Hyunjin “Jeff hyung” during broadcasts 

****

**King of the Babies:** i do not want to imagine that. So i, simply, will not ! 

****

**King of the Babies:** and ive actually thought abt this before….if my stage name wasn’t i.n, I’d like it to be “zerda” 

****

**babe hyung:**?? 

****

**King of the Babies:** it’s the scientific name of the fennec fox uwu vulpes zerda uwu u uncultured strays

****

**King of the Babies:** also it sounds cool huhuhu

****

**Hannington:** damn….that’s actually kinda rlly cool nice one Jeongin 

****

**Lixalicious:** as always maknae on top does it again 

****

**babe hyung:** am i the only one satisfied w my stage name???

****

**babe hyung:** I’m lee and by god….u Know me. 

****

**Hannington:** I’m actually chill with Han as well. It has a lot of layers of meaning uwu 

****

**Lixalicious:** like an onion. Han is the shrek of kpop stage names i take no criticism 

**Hannington:** it’s true and he should say it

****

**Lixalicious:** and i would want a rlly cool stage name….not something boring like fEliX :(

****

**Hannington:** bro…..ur name is beautiful how dare u say that

****

**Lixalicious:** bro…...i just got a broner 

****

**babe hyung:** what the hell is a “broner”???

****

**Hannington:** a bro boner 

****

**Lixalicious:** but like,,,in ur heart bc of how much u love ur bro, u know? 

****

**Hannington:** exactly 

****

**babe hyung:** no…….i do not know. I may be lee know but clearly i dont know everything 

****

**babe hyung:** moving on !

****

**Lixalicious:** oh right! I guess I would want a sick stage name like…..memer69420666

****

**Chris:**......

****

**Hannington:** that is sick bro nice choice

****

**babe hyung:** and that's….your STAGE name? 

****

**Lixalicious:** hell yeah brother **@babe hyung**

****

**Lixalicious:** just imagine thousands of fans chanting That at our concerts 

****

**Hyungenius:** i would literally rather die than do that but thanks anyways 

****

**Hannington:** memer69420666 oppar saranghae <333333 

****

**Lixalicious:** i love my fans 

****

**Seungmints:** felix i love u and i mean this in the nicest way possible…...have you never seen another kpop stage name before? 

****

**Hyungenius:** yeah man, they don't just. have numbers in them 

****

**Hyungenius:** ur not a diddly darn robot ur an IDOL 

****

**Lixalicious:** my dude my bro my guy 

****

**Lixalicious:** chans 3racha stage name is cb97 

****

**Lixalicious:** JISUNGS IS J.ONE YOURE ALL FOOLS

****

**Hyungenius:** oh my god he's right 

****

**Chris:** :0! 

****

**Hannington:** go off lix!! go best friend that's my best friend! 

****

**Seungmints:** we've been Had 

****

**Lixalicious:** or i couldve made my stage name “i love stray kids” 

****

**Chris:** what 

****

**Seungmints:** chan hyung dont ask save ur few remaining brain cells 

****

**Lixalicious: @Chris** so when anyone talks abt me they’re Forced to say “i love stray kids” every time uwu

****

**Lixalicious:** simple 

****

**Hyungenius:** im gonma mcfucking lose it

****

**Hyungenius:** that's it for me lads 

****

**Chris:** god damnit seungmin was right i'll never learn 

****

**Seungmints:** genius marketing right there 

****

**Seungmints:** i love i love stray kids from stray kids

****

**Hyungenius:** i got a headache from reading that. Also Felix’s stage name should be smth like…..f-game or some shit 

****

**Hannington:** F-GAME AJNDDJDJDNDJ U GAVE LIX AN F IN THE CHAT AS HIS STGAE NAME 

****

**Hyungenius:** BC HE LOVES VIDEO GAMES AND HIS NAME STARTS WITH F SHUT UP 

****

**Lixalicious:** i, personally, am a huge fan of that. Thank u hyunjean ur stage should be “perfect in every way hyunjin”

****

**Hyungenius:** aw uwu 

****

**Seungmints:** I’m still afraid none of u know how stage names work? Like at all? 

****

**Lixalicious:** sorry ur talking to f-game now and i can't hear u over my epic gaming skills™ pls leave a message at the beep 

****

**Lixalicious:** beeeeeeeeeep 

****

**Seungmints:** -_-

****

**Hannington:** can i say something 

****

**Binneth:** no but u will anyways so go ahead 

****

**Hannington:** not to be epic but *is a kid who strays* 

****

**babe hyung:** profound 

****

**babe hyung:** he's so brave 

****

**babe hyung:** who's doing it like him 

****

**Seungmints:** no one, thankfully 

****

**Seungmints:** the universe can only handle one han jisung at a time 

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**Seungmints:** and for that i am grateful 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone miss this fic or did u guys forget abt it like i did aksdkdkf…..idk when the next update for this will be But i missed posting skz crack so!! Here we are uwu. (can we start calling seungmin mc puppy man it’s for science)


	8. beYbladeS...straYkidS...open your eyes to the truth

_ Chris  _ has come  _ online  _ to  _ Distract 9  _

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**Chris:** here’s a fun POV for y’all 

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**Chris:** >be me

>enter the dorm after working at the company

>see jisung laying on the living room floor, with Felix slowly and gently doing the renegade above him 

>question why u became leader of stray kids for the seventh time that week 

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**Lixalicious:** excuse me™ 

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**Hannington:** yeah we were attending to important business when u so rudely intruded 

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**Chris:** oh? And what important business was that?

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**Lixalicious:** invoking the gods of tik tok to bless us 

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**Hannington:** what he said 

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**Hannington:** i was mostly there bc it gave me an excuse for laying on the floor to be socially acceptable 

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**Chris:** ok…..lets not get ahead of ourselves 

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**Lixalicious:** yeah idk if i would go That far jisung 

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**Chris:** speaking of which 

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**Chris: @Hannington** **@Lixalicious** where are u rn? Ive been too afraid to leave my room after the things i have Seen

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**Lixalicious:** going to work out with binnie hyung 

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**Hannington:** I’m still laying on the floor

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**Hannington:** living the dream 

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**Chris:** I should’ve known 

**_  
  
_ **

📱

**_  
  
  
  
_ **

_ Seungmints  _ has come  _ online  _ to  _ Distract 9  _

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**Seungmints: @Chris** jisung and felix are having a beyblade battle in the bathroom sink again

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_ Hannington  _ and  _ Lixalicious  _ have come  _ online  _ to  _ Distract 9 _

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**Hannington:** hell fucking yeah we are 

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**Lixalicious:** let it rip babey 

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**Hannnington:** lol lix were so IN SINK….get it?? Because….sinks 

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**Lixalicious:** i do get it, unfortunately 

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**Lixalicious:** let that sink in

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**Hyungenius: @Lixalicious** are ya winning son?

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**Lixalicious:** no….jisung is a dirty cheater who disrespects the time honored tradition and fairness of beyblade battles

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**Hannington:** i admit to no such thing

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**Hannington:** u just suck my dude 

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**Chris:** BOYS ive TOLD you!! No beyblades in the sink!!! It scratches the porcelain!!!

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**Chris:** STOP LETTING IT RIP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

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**Hyungenius:** chan hyung can i scratch ur porcelain ;)

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**Chris:** not a good time Hyunjin but I appreciate the creativity 

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**Lixalicious:** i see ur texts chan hyung and i read them loud and clear

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**Lixalicious:** but….what if we just…...Do Anyways?

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**Hannington:** yeah what if we just….do anyways? 

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**Chris:** oh yeah? How about if you don’t listen I send you fuckers to the shadow realm?

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**Hyungenius:** if only u could see the face I’m making at my phone rn as i read this 

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**Hannington: @Chris** no offense but…..a. that's from yugioh not beyblade, b. yugioh is for chumps my leader 

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**Lixalicious:** it’s true and he should say it, but i respect chan hyungs boldness 

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**Chris:** aaaaRRRHHFH I meant that as a cool and hip way of saying ill ground you two!!! 

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**Chris:** isnt that what being sent to the shadow realm means…..? 

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**Lixalicious:** oh lordt

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**Hannington:** hyung…...ur so fucking swagless it’s becoming embrassing 

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**Hannington:** u should join felix and i in our beyblade sink battle to up ur coolness factor after that….incident 

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**Lixalicious:** yeah! There’s always room for one more in a beyblade battle :)

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**Hyungenius:** I can’t take this anymore

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_ Hyungenius  _ has gone  _ offline _

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**Chris:** god i wish that were me

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**Chris:** but……

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**Chris:** FINE

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**Chris:** ONE (1) beyblade battle if it’ll make me a Cool Leader™ and then that’s IT 

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**Hannington:** HELL YEAH BROTHER

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**Lixalicious:** beware Channie hyung, jisung is a dirty cheater who doesn’t respect the art of letting it rip 

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**Seungmints:** I’m about to let it rip rn and by that i mean I’m abt to rip my fucking hair out from this convo 

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**Hannignton:** hmmm…..mister grumpy pants sounds like he could use a good old fashioned beyblade sink battle to up his spirits 

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_ Seungmints  _ has gone  _ offline _

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**Hannington:** or not

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**Hannington:** thats cool too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this even a chapter? could it be Called that? all i know is i once heard a story that a school banned public beyblade battles so all the kids played them in the bathroom sinks, n my first thought was: hanlix 
> 
> anyways this fic is basically over, but i'll leave it unfinished in case i randomly write more of it in the future :~) i hope u enjoyed both this fic as a whole + this completely random update i probs never would have remembered otherwise! I’m really really sorry for being in ur inbox sm lately if ur a sub, but notifs from me will be way more sparse once school starts so ;;^^

**Author's Note:**

> stream back door or jeongin and his pocket knife will come for You next 
> 
> pls spare a kudo/comment to ur local chronosaurus (me) in these trying times


End file.
